I'm going to apply for a job as a mirror inspector.
It's something I can really see myself doing.
Salem 6,009 Posting Sage
Reverend Jim 6,665 Hi, I'm Jim, one of DaniWeb's moderators. Moderator Featured Poster
What did Yoda say when he saw himself in 4K?
"HDMI".
trcooke commented: I should really give this the thumbs down of disapproval, but you can imagine I'm shaking my head instead. +0
Reverend Jim 6,665 Hi, I'm Jim, one of DaniWeb's moderators. Moderator Featured Poster
If you've seen one shopping centre you've seen the mall.
Salem 6,009 Posting Sage
My previous girlfriend worked for the FBI.
My new girlfriend works in package delivery.
A fed ex-girlfriend to a fed-ex girlfriend.
Reverend Jim 6,665 Hi, I'm Jim, one of DaniWeb's moderators. Moderator Featured Poster
Q: What kind of fish is made of two sodium atoms?
A: 2Na
Reverend Jim 6,665 Hi, I'm Jim, one of DaniWeb's moderators. Moderator Featured Poster
A mathematician walking by a farmer's field is asked by the farmer, "Could you help me round up 18 cows?", The man responds, "Sure, that would be 20 cows."
Salem 6,009 Posting Sage
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
Salem 6,009 Posting Sage
Bruce Wayne comes home from a long day of superhero work.
"Alfred, I'm exhausted, can you fill the bathtub please".
After a moments thought, Alfred responds "Certainly Sir, but what's a htub?"
Reverend Jim 6,665 Hi, I'm Jim, one of DaniWeb's moderators. Moderator Featured Poster
A man went to the doctor. He had a cucumber in one ear. A hot dog in the other ear. And two carrots stuck up his nose. He asked the doctor what was wrong with him and the doctor said:
"I don't think you are eating properly."
Salem 6,009 Posting Sage
I'll never forget the words my dad told me.
"When one door closes, another one opens".
He was a great dad, but a terrible cabinet maker.
Salem 6,009 Posting Sage
I roasted a chicken for three hours.
It still wouldn't tell me why it crossed the road.
Dani 5,664 The Queen of DaniWeb Administrator Featured Poster
I roasted a chicken for three hours.
It still wouldn't tell me why it crossed the road.
Why would it tell you anything after hours of ridicule?
Salem commented: I guess because you yanks have changed the meaning of the word +0
Salem 6,009 Posting Sage
I tried to organise a hide and seek competition.
But good players are hard to find.
Salem 6,009 Posting Sage
Major Smith: Private Jones - I didn't see you at camouflage practice today!
Private Jones: Thank you Sir!
rproffitt 3,266 https://5calls.org Team Colleague
I told a joke during a Zoom call.
It wasn't remotely funny.
Salem 6,009 Posting Sage
Reincarnation is making a comeback.
Reverend Jim 6,665 Hi, I'm Jim, one of DaniWeb's moderators. Moderator Featured Poster
If you are a hillbilly its called reintarnation.
Reverend Jim 6,665 Hi, I'm Jim, one of DaniWeb's moderators. Moderator Featured Poster
A woman is walking down the street when she hears a booming voice say:
“You will live to be a hundred!”
She looks around but can't see anyone. She shrugs and continues on her way.
Later, she thinks, “Well, if I'm going to live to be a hundred, I might as well make the most of it.”
So she gets breast implants, a facelift, liposuction, and a complete makeover. When she's finished, she looks years younger.
As she's leaving the clinic, feeling wonderful about her new appearance, she's struck by lightning and killed instantly.
When she arrives at the Pearly Gates, she says to God:
“What happened? You told me I was going to live to be a hundred!”
God looks at her and says:
“Oh... I'm sorry. I didn't recognize you.”
Salem 6,009 Posting Sage
I'd tell you a UDP joke but you might not get it.
I'd like to tell you a HIPAA joke - but I can't.
Salem 6,009 Posting Sage
Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
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