Member Avatar for kevin_smithers

[img]http://www.frandt.com/content/images/stories/php-logo.gif[/img]Student Suspended Over Suspected Use of PHP

Topeka, KS - High school sophomore Brett Tyson was suspended today after teachers learned he may be using PHP.

"A teacher overheard him say that he was using PHP, and as part of our Zero-Tolerance policy against drug use, he was immediately suspended. No questions asked," said Principal Clyde Thurlow. "We're not quite sure what PHP is, but we suspect it may be a derivative of PCP, or maybe a new designer drug like GHB."
Parents are frightened by the discovery of this new menace in their children's school, and are demanding the school do something. "We heard that he found out about PHP at school on the internet. There may even be a PHP web ring operating on school grounds," said irate parent Carol Blessing. "School is supposed to be teaching our kids how to read and write. Not about dangerous drugs like PHP."

In response to parental demands the school has reconfigured its internet WatchDog software to block access to all internet sites mentioning PHP. Officials say this should prevent any other students from falling prey like Brett Tyson did. They have also stepped up locker searches and brought in drug sniffing dogs.

Interviews with students suggested that PHP use is wide spread around the school, but is particularly concentrated in the geeky nerd population. When contacted by BBspot.com, Brett Tyson said, "I don't know what the hell is going on dude, but this suspension gives me more time for fraggin'. Yee haw!"

PHP is a hypertext preprocessor, which sounds very dangerous. It is believed that many users started by using Perl and moved on to the more powerful PHP. For more information on how to recognize if your child may be using PHP visit php.net.

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  • Latest Post Latest Post by jbennet

Recommended Answers

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Member Avatar for OurNation

Is any of this true.

Member Avatar for Ghost

That isn't true

Member Avatar for susiestudent

As a parent and a taxpayer, I am glad that my tax dollars are being used for educating our kids - who will help the educators?

Member Avatar for moderate_rock48

HAHA, thats great, i need to get some PHP! :P

Member Avatar for jwenting

Good thinking. PHP is a Very Bad Thing, teaches poor programming practices, and therefore should be actively discouraged.
Maybe suspending the youthful delinquent is going too far, but he should be told to write "I will never use PHP again" 10.000 times by hand without corrections and turn it in as punishment and to set an example.

Member Avatar for DMR

OMG! What is this world coming to??

I mean, sure- even back when I was in high school there were those Bad Geeks who might try to offer you a few lines of COBOL or FORTAN, but that stuff was nothing compared to PHP!

:D

Member Avatar for jwenting

nothing better than a good DECLARATION-SECTION

Member Avatar for alpha2006

This is a joke, right???

Member Avatar for TheNNS 
<?php>
            if (article = true)
                not joke
            else 
                 joke
</?php>
Member Avatar for GreenDay2001

i didn't understand a bit of that.

Member Avatar for magkii

Haha, I just don't get it. But I think it's a joke.

Member Avatar for MattEvans

It is believed that many users started by using Perl and moved on to the more powerful PHP

ROFL.
Perl is to PHP like Heroin is to Assorted-Solvents-In-A-Carrier-Bag

Member Avatar for jbennet

lol i got my ICT coursework rejected by my teacher about 2 years ago cos i used visual studio with SQL and ASP.NET to make proper websites when everyone else used publisher to make naff HTML websites. apparently the markers dont know and i quote "how to mark something like that"

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