I've seen it all now - the most expensive phone in the world, probably, and of course it's an iPhone. Not just any iPhone from Apple, mind you, but a diamond-encrusted one. Here's a picture. It's yours for $1.6 million.

OK, it's hideous and it's a gimmick and nobody would buy it except to show off. It did, however, lead me to think a bit abouy how much we pay for our phones and contracts and how much we actually use. So here, for fun (but also as a salutory reminder of where money can go, things are tight at the moment) is a list of my own iPhone applications - and a comment on whether I use them (we'll take phone and text as read):

Calendar: Not much, I tend to use Google Apps and the calendar on the web from that.
Clock: I have a watch, thanks.
Contacts: Bingo, I do indeed use contacts.
Maps: Rarely.
Weather: Occasionally
Notes: Almost never but it didn't cost extra so that's OK
Calculator: Yes, in spite of owning a calculator.
App store: Yes.
NetNewsWire: Not since it swallowed my account details
Stocks: No
Twittervision: Rarely
Twitterfon: Excessively, to be honest
Google: Yes
iPod: Yes
iTalk: This came highly recommended. Of course I've hardly touched it.
Nimbuzz: Very occasionally
Funambol (synchronises the iPhone with Mobyko) Yes
Truphone: Rarely
Facebook: Really occasionally
Mail: Yes
Twinkle: No
Safari: Yes
Photos: Loaded, mostly ignored...
Camera: No
iTunes: No
Google Earth: No
YouTube: Occasionally
Joost: Not much
eBay: No
A selection of 7 games: Once or twice until boredom set in.

So I calculate that as more than 30 functions on the phone, of which I make decent use of about nine regularly.

Hmm. Maybe the gaudy phone isn't such a stupid buy after all - at least the buyer will know it's pointless if you're being sensible rather than kid themselves they need it...