Men rules for women

[Scuppery]

Here is a list of rules that me and a couple of friends made a while back. By the way, if anyone has something like Women rules for men please post it here. Also if I left anything out feel free to add to the list.

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

2. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

3. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

4. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

5. Crying is blackmail.

6. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

7. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

8. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

9. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem. See a doctor.

10. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

11. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

12. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

13. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, then we meant the "other one "

14. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

15. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

16. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

17. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

18. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

19. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle, besides we know you will bring it up again later.

20. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

21. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...really.

22. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

23. You have enough clothes.

24. You have too many shoes.

25. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

26. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

[Ancient Dragon]

If you are going to plagerize something you would at least post the link where you stole it.

http://www.funny2.com/mensrules.htm

[Ene Uran]

Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.

[Lardmeister]

Scuppery, have you ever made an R-rated snow-woman?

[bumsfeld]

How many women does it take to screw in one light bulb?

[ZZucker]

Let's put some bigotry on the other shoe:

What is the difference between a man and a government bond?
Bonds mature

What did God say after creating man?
I can do better

What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted

What does a man consider as a 7 course meal?
A hot dog and a six pack

How are men and parking spots alike?
The good ones are taken and what's left is handicapped

[R0bb0b]

Let's put some bigotry on the other shoe:

What is the difference between a man and a government bond?
Bonds mature

What did God say after creating man?
I can do better

What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted

What does a man consider as a 7 course meal?
A hot dog and a six pack

How are men and parking spots alike?
The good ones are taken and what's left is handicapped

Ya so?

[Radical Edward]

2. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

Last Edward checked, the problem was men leaving the seat down and pissing all over it. :-/

[Ezzaral]

The first time your wife sits into the toilet in the middle of the night after you left the seat up, you will not forget to put it back down again...
:P

[R0bb0b]

The first time your wife sits into the toilet in the middle of the night after you left the seat up, you will not forget to put it back down again...
:P

So it is a rule that females shouldn't have to look. What if men didn't look, they just started goin in the middle of the night no matter if the toilet seat was down or up or whatever?

[Ezzaral]

No one said the rules were fair, but putting down the toilet seat is a small price for peace :P

[vegaseat]

She got a mudpack, looked good for a while, then the mud fell off.

[MidiMagic]

No one said the rules were fair, but putting down the toilet seat is a small price for peace :P

Then why is it that my mother complains if I leave the lid up, but the seat down, and my girlfriend complains if I leave the both the seat and lid down?

Try turning on the light first. Then you can SEE the status bits of the device.

The only time I leave both up is so the user can see the green cleaner I put in there, that must wait an hour, then be brushed and flushed before use.

They make a little attachment with a light that is red when the seat is up, and green when it is down.

[Ezzaral]

Then why is it that my mother complains if I leave the lid up, but the seat down, and my girlfriend complains if I leave the both the seat and lid down?

Because women and their mother-in-laws (though not officially in your case) can rarely agree on anything and the man is just the rope in this little tug-of-war between them?

[MidiMagic]

Here is a list of rules (with annotations) that me and a couple of friends made a while back. By the way, if anyone has something like Women rules for men please post it here. Also if I left anything out feel free to add to the list.

1. Men are NOT mind readers.
(Psychic ability is not an upgrade.)

2. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
(If the lid is down too, then the user knows how many objects to grab in advance.)

3. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
(For geeks, substitute programming for sports.)

4. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
(Shopping destroys male sexual energy. So does carrying heavy packages.)

5. Crying is blackmail.
(It also violates the noise ordinance.)

6. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
(We do not speak Darmok at Tanagra.)

7. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
(20 questions is an invalid voting method anyway.)

8. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
(How about a recording of the sympathy orchestra? I have a CD.)

9. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem. See a doctor.
(Babies need only 9 months.)

10. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
(The comment is meaningless without the context.)

11. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
(Threats to go home to mother also have a negative effect.)

12. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
(Fat is much cuddlier!)

13. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, then we meant the "other one "
(The comment is also meaningless without the context.)

14. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
(Do It Yourself kit: duct tape, oil, and a screwdriver.)

15. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
(Unless it's a soap opera. Then say it during the show.)

16. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
(We have a built in version of Google Maps.)

17. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
(The colors are white, gray, black, red, orange, yellow, green, cyan, blue, violet, purple, magenta, pink, brown, tan, and clear. And cyan and blue are different colors. Ecru sounds like something you have to clean up after.)

18. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
(We kiss scratches too.)

19. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle, besides we know you will bring it up again later.
(The answer "nothing" entirely cancels the request.)

20. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
(GIGO)

21. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...really.
(There is no looks contest in the real world. Bob Barker is not present.)

22. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.
(Memory core dump requested. 62 pages.)

23. You have enough clothes.
(The ideal wardrobe size is one full washing machine load, plus one outfit for use during laundry day, and one spare outfit.)

24. You have too many shoes.
(Imelda's closet comes to mind.)

25. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
(It's cuddlier too.)

26. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
(Try it yourself sometime.)

[abetageek]

Here is a list of rules that me and a couple of friends made a while back. By the way, if anyone has something like Women rules for men please post it here. Also if I left anything out feel free to add to the list.

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

2. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

3. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

4. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

5. Crying is blackmail.

6. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

7. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

8. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

9. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem. See a doctor.

10. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

11. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

12. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

13. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, then we meant the "other one "

14. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

15. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

16. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

17. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

18. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

19. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle, besides we know you will bring it up again later.

20. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

21. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...really.

22. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

23. You have enough clothes.

24. You have too many shoes.

25. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

26. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

some of us know the meaning of life.

[abetageek]

some of us know the meaning of life