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People will do what they have always wanted to do, whats in their nature. We can only fool ourselves into believing we can understand someone else's pain. We give him advice, we forget about it. In the end, he will do what he feels he should do. Thats the bitter truth."Only he who has died, knows how it feels to be six feet under..."Thank you.

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Yes, people will do what they want.. but that doesn't mean we as friends can't persuade otherwise. People can change, it just takes someone who has hope to bring them out of their hopeless pit.

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good advice(thwee)
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People will do what they have always wanted to do, whats in their nature. We can only fool ourselves into believing we can understand someone else's pain. We give him advice, we forget about it. In the end, he will do what he feels he should do. Thats the bitter truth."Only he who has died, knows how it feels to be six feet under..."Thank you.

I'm with Chrissy on this one.

SOS, you always talk about your pain and only you know about it, so I'm not gonna patronise you although I was tempted :) .

I have come to realise there are two kinds of people in life. Those who had a crappy time and go around in a big sulk. And those who had a crappy time, forget about it, then get on with life.

Try to avoid the former because you might become so consumed with bitterness you find life passes you by so quickly.

And by the time you're realised what a fool you've been it's too late to change......

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Thanks for agreeing with me :) -Christina
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I agree completely, iamthwee... Hope is the point, when depression is the issue. The loss of hope is the loss of faith; and, when someone no longer feels there's anything to place their faith in, especially in their own value, isolation can become deadly. If we allow that to go on without exerting whatever positive influence we may afford, then we've written somebody off in some way. If our influence brings to bear those things they can connect with that gets them back to a place where they can deal with their own circumstances, and puts an emphasis upon what core truths everyone should keep as their own treasure, then at least the attitudes and emotions involved in what is an otherwise downward spiral to destruction are addressed--- and may do some good...

There's really no way to gauge the severity of depression in any individual from their words, since some people clam up and isolate themselves. It is only after something dreadful has happened that any proof is seen. All the rest is guesswork, albeit under a doctor's supervision or not; and, while medication can do a great amount of good for some, for others it has the opposite effect. Along with whatever may be prescribed, if at all, therapy is vital for breaking the depressive cycle. This can be informal or formal; and, talking about things is a large part of that. If someone has started to talk, then there's seen in that to be still a chance that the words given as an answer to their call for help might be listened to. They need to be positive--- and not judgemental. The issue is not whether anyone has the right to feel the way they do, but the fact that whatever they are feeling has caused an issue which is very serious; and, if that request for help has been given, then that shows that the person asking is still willing to try to stand up and get on with things. It takes courage to expose yourself in that way. It takes far less for someone to reach back with words of reproof, no matter how "correct" they may seem. If measured words, with positive inflection, at the right time, were not effective--- then all the marketers and advertisers in the world might as well close up shop and go home... It seems that this does, indeed, work; and, it is most effective if it involves truth and empathy and compassion rather than cheap sympathy, patronization, platitudes, cliches, and a sales pitch. That's why all the words given here in this thread can be of use--- they are all valuable, coming from different perspectives. If any of them can "connect" in a positive way with a mind in anguish, then that is a "good" thing... How much good will come will only be known on an empirical level by the one whose life gets changed; and, the words to help do that may just come from any of us...

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you deserve some rep. --joeprogrammer
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Exactly ^.^
I believe that if anyone has the power to bring someone down, than anyone also has the ability and power to lift someone up! We must all help each other.

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Flaco,
How are you doing? There is a somewhat easy answer to this. Depression comes from focusing on yourself. I know, I've been there many times. You need to stop looking for girls and let them find you.
I've seen not so good-looking guys with very pretty wives. Your outward apperance is not as important as what is on the inside.
Keep in mind, if a girl is only interested in what you look like she is very shallow. A bar is usually a good place to find these shallow people. To find someone real (or rather have her find you) you just need to focus on finding and using your talents for good and helping others whenever possible.

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SOS, you always talk about your pain and only you know about it,

Correction. Not my pain, good old Pain, the pain which is in everyone's life.

so I'm not gonna patronise you although I was tempted :) .

I don't expect it, I never have and never will, so save your breath.

I have come to realise there are two kinds of people in life. Those who had a crappy time and go around in a big sulk. And those who had a crappy time, forget about it, then get on with life.

...and the third kind who don't have any other choice than sulk.

Try to avoid the former because you might become so consumed with bitterness you find life passes you by so quickly.

And by the time you're realised what a fool you've been it's too late to change......

Easier said than done. But then again, like I said before, people can only pretend to understand. In the end, everyone is on his own. Hope no one gets to experience what "pain" is....

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Correction. Not my pain, good old Pain, the pain which is in everyone's life.

I don't expect it, I never have and never will, so save your breath.


...and the third kind who don't have any other choice than sulk.


Easier said than done. But then again, like I said before, people can only pretend to understand. In the end, everyone is on his own. Hope no one gets to experience what "pain" is....

Humans romanticize the value of "pain" as well as "pleasure"; the epic pain you may be referring to, ~S.O.S.~, may be more correctly called "evil" (which is not relative). While we all feel emotional pain over various issues as humans, an overwhelming evil exists that prevades all of our lives and renders everyone one of us stained by it. True, each person experiences unique levels of "happiness" or "sadness" but we all walk in a cloud of pervasive darkness. There are methods and routes to cure permanently this but it takes personal choice and a version of faith.

To relegate, though, each person as a hopeless node is nonsensical and sad; while the world is a dark region, light shines if you know where to find it. It is a God-given responsibility for each of us to help eachother when we are able to.

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It is a God-given responsibility for each of us to help eachother when we are able to.

Now you are back to my point which, in the context of this thread, is that by helping others you take the focus off of yourself and thus prevent yourself from becoming depressed whether or not you are in "pain". Because each of us must admit that the world does not revolve around any one of us.

But consider this; the Son of God endured the real paid of the cross for the joy set before Him of saving the world. And in His case, the world does revolve around him.

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Your mention of Jesus :) Thank-you, brother
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But consider this; the Son of God endured the real pain of the cross for the joy set before Him of saving the world. And in His case, the world does revolve around him.

What can I say but... exactly. ;):cheesy:

Best Regards,
Matty

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What HE said(and She)... Cutting loose the chains of bondage, lifting the burdens of the oppressed, feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, visiting the lonely and outcast, housing those who have no home--- in whatever interpretation or context these are able to apply... Sounds like a lesson in Freedom to me, regardless the captor or captive... If our gifts enable us to cut those chains, what do we gain by permitting them to remain; and, if we refuse to act because we are afraid we will have no effect, what have we gained through inaction except the knowledge that fear won out?
Those who hold their own pain as a thing perpetually to be misunderstood and unknowable by anyone else have denied all potential remedy from others, thereby becoming enamored of their chains as part of their identity; and, while no one can see through their eyes or feel with their heart or reason with their mind, neither do they qualify to render critique upon those making efforts despite this type of impediment. We don't need to know firsthand what it is like to have a third-degree burn before we understand the gravity of the situation for one who is so burned; and, those having been burned in such a way themselves can know of the pain without the need to feel through the nerves of one so burned. The idea is to alleviate as much pain as possible, heal the wound if possible, and try to understand as much as is possible. Falling short of the mark is an understood thing; but, inaction through self-disqualification on the platform of fear over an inability to achieve a knowledge that is unobtainable is not. This aspect is addressed by personal courage and hope, and faith in truths which need no proof; without which, the effort is futile. It IS a fight; and, nobody DOES know firsthand like the one experiencing it--- but that is not a prerequisite for realizing a milestone in the effort... The willingness to make the attempt on the behalf of someone else who is in pain is something of a blessing to know about when you are that person experiencing the pain. If everything that was done proves futile although the attempt was genuine, the outcome is not on par with having no advocate; for, you have, indeed, gained an advocate. In this forum, on this topic, it is many advocates. That's something to think about... And, these are interested in being of service, regardless each one's points of inability, providing what is in them to provide. If the knowledge of that has no effect upon one in pain, the heart has been hardened to the point that the person must become "broken" before it may be reached. Any compassion, from any source, in sincerity, without pity or sympathy, will then become a welcome thing... At least, that's what I've seen and known.

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My friend a depressive disorder is an illness that involves the body, mood, and thoughts. It affects the way a person eats and sleeps, the way one feels about oneself, and the way one thinks about things. A depressive disorder is not the same as a passing blue mood. It is not a sign of personal weakness or a condition that can be willed or wished away.

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hey guys thanks right now am a little shaky but better guys thank you

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(this is not directed at any1, I just saw the thread and thought I would put my quick 2 cents in...)
depression and suicide is a way for people to get attention.. People who feel insecure and who feel bad for themselves seek attention through depression.. It may not be purposely, but still..

I believe even the psychological disorders originate from a person's thoughts and feelings about themselves..

Suicide is the easy way out.. People who are weak, and feel that they cannot handle their lives choose suicide simply b/c they don't want to face their troubles and fears. Don't wimp out in life..

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hey guys thanks right now am a little shaky but better guys thank you

Thanks for letting us know, Flaco... It's good to hear from you... I think I might be reflecting the sentiments of a good number here in welcoming positive news. I know I've wondered how you were getting along. Hang in there--- we are...

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Hi Flaco, I am no therapist and no expert in the field but this is what I will suggest. There are professionals out there who are better trained and much better equiped in these issues. Just going to a forum to solicite advice does not cut it. Reason I am saying this is, I have seen things like this happen too many time where something that looks so innocent can be over look and when there is a catastrophy then we are all like oh we should have seen this coming. Case in point what has just happened at Virginia tech, Bladensburg. I bet you donw the road there will be people saying there were signs but now it is too late. Please go set up an appointment and talk to a shrink. You will get better. my 2 cents

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Case in point what has just happened at Virginia tech, Bladensburg.

Eh, it's not Bladensburg... it's Blacksburg, Virginia.

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From the viewpoint of a woman or a girl, since I am female, it does not rely on the physical aspect of the male but rather compatibility. But some would think of it as bullshit; I'd say it really depends on the girl; some girls who are just plain cheesy won't get it that when they grow old with their partners the looks would also diminish. It is the rarity of having a good companion that matters. So if you get dumped by someone who thinks you are ugly then that only means that girl is doomed.

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Nice Reply! :)
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I have been reading this thread, and was wondering what can I tell flaco....from a girl's perspective....I was left by my ex-boyfriend...I didn't know he left until I thought it was strange...he stopped communicating with me completely, and when I confronted him about it, he responded as though we never had any relationship...he was my first boyfriend, and we were going out for 5 years...

There is a proverb: "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" - It basically means that the only thing that should matter about a person is their personality. Not what they look like. Just because they are "beautiful" on the outside doesn't mean they are on the inside; it's the way they behave. To find their inner beauty, you can just hang out together, get to know the person, and let the person get to know you...and just remember, if they hurt you again, just look them in their face and smile, if you can...thank them for getting to know them, and leave, because you know that they would be missing out on knowing a great person like you! I have done that with my ex, and since then I feel much better about myself...

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Personally, I think relationships and personalities can be represented by throwing 5 billion 300 sided dice on the ground. If one die tries to match itself to every die that it finds it will find the wrong combination 299 times before it finds the right one. You have to understand that your time will come, probably not now, but one day someone will kiss the ground that you walk on and you will be happy to do the same. Chin up, in the mean time, you are young, ride dirt bikes, snowboard, skin some knees, break some legs and have fun because this is the time to do it. One day you will see that right now, you have the world spinning on your fingertips.

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Revelations! :-)
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Ok falco, i never had a chance to read all the replies in the thread so i apolagize if this is repitition.

If you are sincere and actually feel this way and its not just a cry for needed attention please take heed to what i say.

I have went throught multiple depressions and thoughts of suicide. My family was poor while everyone around me was wealthy. but they were wealthy with materials and my family was wealthy with love. So, i didnt realize/care about that when i was a teen and hence took my anger out through being a delinquent.

I dropped out of highschool and was a drug addict for many years. The whole time my family and girl stuck with, which really helped more then i realized at the time. So after multiple depressing times i realized that the thought that someone always had it worse made me feel better. But not how you think just keep reading.

So here it is, it worked for me now i want you to try: Think about this someone always has it worse then you. Now, dont get joy from that because it builds yourself up, recieve joy through knowing that means there is people that need your help. IF YOU WANT TO FEEL GOODtTHEN HELP OTHERS. IT DONT MATTER HOW JUST DO IT. HELP ANYONE DO ANYTHING. ON THE PERSONAL LEVEL, ALWAYS FEELS THE BEST BUT YOU COULD ALWAYS JOIN A VOLUNTEER ORGANIZATION. I JOKE YOU NOT. THIS WILL WORK.

YOU WILL EVERNTUALLY GET WHAT YOU PUT IN, THIS IS A CERTAINTY.

BTW.... I NOW HAVE A DEGREE, A BEAUTIFUL WIFE, A PERFECTLY HEALTHY 8 MONTH OLD SON AND LOVING FAMILY AND FRIENDS(AND LOTS OF MONEY THAT MEANS NOTHING).

THE PHYSICAL IS ONLY WHAT IS PORTREYED THROUGH THE PORTAL OF THE CONSCIENCE.

TAKE CARE MAN AND REALLY TRY IT.

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Depression is caused by an imbalance of brain chemicals, not by the environment. There are billions of people on this earth that live in much worse circumstances than you, and yet they are not depressed and don't think of suicide.

Sometimes you can be treated with drugs to help you with the imbalance.

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Depression is caused by an imbalance of brain chemicals, not by the environment. There are billions of people on this earth that live in much worse circumstances than you, and yet they are not depressed and don't think of suicide.

Sometimes you can be treated with drugs to help you with the imbalance.

Right on! For a youngster you are pretty smart!

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depression in not always caused by imbalances and yes it can be caused by the environement. the worst cases are often caused by an imballance but these are less then 10%

"Regarding depression as "just" a chemical imbalance wildly misconstrues the disorder."

Psychology Today
March, 1999 "

You should read this this

People assume that chemicals cause depression but the low chemical levels, such as serotonin and norepinephrine, are caused by a low amounts of plessurable activities, or in other word the environment.

They are a symtom, not the cause.

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