iPhone 4’s FaceTime to Soon Support iPorn

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Porn—it’s a multi-billion dollar industry fueled by mankind’s innate notions of lust and desire. iPhone 4—a smartphone device with millions of users worldwide connected through FaceTime videoconferencing. Porn+iPhone 4=iPorn, the shameless new venture of the adult-entertainment industry as it improves upon its limitless digital expanses.

In truth, it was only a matter of time before porn companies began utilizing FaceTime for the lucrative, virgin market behind this new wave technology, albeit for anything but showing the face. This will be the first time video sex chat services have allowed customers the opportunity to watch and be watched concurrently.

"We've been working on it since the iPhone 4 was released," said Quentin Boyer, spokesman for the adult production company Pink Visual. "We just want to give customers what they want."

The FaceTime technology allows iPhone 4 users to connect live across a Wi-Fi connection via the phone’s front camera to other iPhone 4 users. Commercials advertising the product have shown a giddy mother-to-be videoconferencing her husband to announce they’re expecting, graduates waving to their grandparents too cheap to travel to the ceremony, and sassy, liberated women helping each other make outfit decisions. The video chat the San Fernando Valley porn moguls had in mind won’t be so Disney.

“A phone is such an intimate thing, you usually don’t lend it out or have someone else use it,” said Boyer. “It has a very personal feel—your mobile phone to hers.”

Craigslist ads have already begun springing up across the country, seeking iPhone 4 sex chat operators for new businesses hoping to let the cash cow free to graze on the untapped digital pastures. Promising flexible hours and a free iPhone 4 in exchange for proud parents that used to get a good night's sleep, the listings are a fantastic opportunity for women qualified to do nothing.

Boyer’s major selling point is offering sessions with some of the same women appearing in Pink Visual’s videos, a luring opportunity for lonely 45-year-old males still eating mom’s Hamburger Helper for dinner. Sessions will be payable by credit card and cost me…I mean customers, $5 to $6 a minute for the life of the call. A dignity tax will also be applied, costing whatever shreds of self-respect you may have left for yourself.

Apple has long been militant in their battle for a porn-free iPhone experience, policing the App Store for suggestive content. They have even rejected book apps for fear that the sexual undertones of some novels may offend the iPhone userbase. Their valiant fight against smut has just one problem now: the camera is a main feature of the phone, available to and accessible by anyone who purchases it.

If there’s a will, there’s a way, as evidenced by the adult-entertainment industry’s latest endeavor and seasoned history of journeying forth hand-in-hand with unexplored technologies into the dawn of new eras in electronic advancements. From VHS to DVD to streaming videos to online credit card processing, porn pioneers have essentially defined the internet we enjoy and the movies we love by embracing formats new to the time. Regardless of what content or purpose you're using them for, porn was there to stake their flag first, and we are now left to sit back and watch them do it again with FaceTime on the iPhone 4...for better or for worse.

AuburnMathTutor 37 Junior Poster

Wait what was the number?

Glass_Joe 68 Junior Poster in Training

Haha hold on, let me write it down for you...

But seriously, I'll check.

zzj0770 -6 Newbie Poster

Haha hold on, let me write it down for you...

But seriously, I'll check.

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