teenager visiting porn sites

[dfederman]

Hello. I'd like some advice on simple Internet controls for a 16-year-old who habitually visits porn sites. I monitor him closely, but if I step out of the room even briefly, I find porn sites in the history. He gets grounded or whatever, banned from the computer, promises he won't do it again, needs the Internet for schoolwork, and the whole cycle starts again. I tried a ContentWatch trial, but it was unwieldy. I read the thread from Ambalee, about the futility of trying to control an adult partner's porn addiction. This is different, as a youngster is involved and I also have a 12-year-old who is overhearing all this. It's very disturbing and I could use some help.

Thank you.

[ArtChess]

Can't beat it join it... No i'm just kidding...
the best bet isn't so much with a technical resolution but rather disciplinary resolution.

surely if you were to find a means of blocking out certain sites, the disobediancy of the child is still there and will cary it out in other ways other than just surfing porn sites.

be strict and firm and take away the PC from the child. In some cultures beating up the kid would be not only acceptable but very well promoted. unfortunetly here in the U.S. and it's infinite wisdom of child protection and foreign policy (off the subject) it's illegal.

Ok.. ok.. tech talk..
try using a shoot I forgot the application name.. .. Panera Bread uses it so people won't surf on certain sites...

ok till i think of it.. one of the things you can do is when after your child has visisted the sites, you can go to history and copy and past the sites. then add them to the restricted sites. To do this :

go to this site:
http://www.microsoft.com/windows/ie/using/howto/security/settings.mspx

good luck with your kid, and just tell 'em to get *** Nah just kidding**..

[dfederman]

thanks for your help, but pasting those web sites into the restricted zone under security settings does not work on my computer. I've tried that time and again, then I type in the address on yahoo or google, and the sites come right back up. Yuck! What am I doing wrong?

[Comatose]

If you are using IE, I believe there is a content manager. It won't keep out of all porn sites, but it will certainly cut off a good portion of them.... the point being, it will require a lot more work to get to them.... you could consider using something like cybernanny, or another content manager....

[Real-tiner]

I have a problem of getting porn sites I don't want while searching for benign items I want - and I can't tell the difference on many of them until I open the page. So part of the problem is that there are evil programmers out there trying to make you see porn whether you want to or not. These scumquats either worship porn and want to spread their beliefs to everyone, or want to lure people to their lucrative pay sites.

What I want is slapstick comedy (e.g. The Three Stooges, Laurel and Hardy, Abott and Costello, and similar items). When I search for generic pages of this type, the browser always finds more porn sites than genuine slapstick comedy sites. But any attempts to filter out the porn sites also seems to filter out the genuine slapstick sites.

I have also had websites posing as something else entirely redirect my browser to porn sites, or send hundreds of porn popups. One was a site purported to be selling old phonograph records.

Then, once you hit one of those sites site, whether you wanted to or not, it starts spamming you with deals selling porn, "vigara", and sex aids.

Hollywodd is also a great inciter in this mess, because it promotes the view that sex is for entertainment, rather than for marriage.

[dfederman]

thanks for your reply, but the content manager on IE doesn't work for me. I set all the controls to zero tolerance, hit apply, and still, when I check, all sites are allowed.

[kc0arf]

Hello,

Technology won't be able to stop social problems. I don't want to get into how to raise your child, that is your scope, and for you as the parent (s) to work with. I do not have any kids yet, so I cannot speak from experience either. Perhaps this is a call from him to want to find out more about adult activities. Might be time for parents and son to sit down and discuss the birds and the bees.

I think the argument of needing the internet is bogus from him concerning schoolwork. Not every child in America has access to the internet, so he can/should be able to do his homework the old fashioned way -- the library, at school, whatever.

If you want to get technical, you could try altering the DNS addresses of some of his common sites, but you are going to be continually chasing that duck as it waddles around your pond. You might also try various pieces of software to block him.

But in the end, I think it is going to take strong parenting to curb this. Talk to a doctor / psychologist. Call the school, and be active in his life, and see if you can convince him that he does not need porn in his life. There might be something social going on.

Christian

[Catweazle]

Good comments in this topic already. Removing his privileges to use the PC is the obvious answer.

But be sure that he's actually viewing porn. Just because there are porn links in internet history doesn't guarantee that porn sites have been visited and viewed. Those links in history can also come from advertising. Hell, I've picked them up browsing for CD cover art and such, and ended up in heated debate with my wife over it until I showed her just how innocently the links can get there!

[dfederman]

thanks to all for advice. Believe me, my husband and I are active, involved parents. Forgoing the computer for homework would be a problem--we have only one, and even if he's on it for word processing, how can I keep him off the Internet? And there is no doubt that he visits the sites. I am also puzzled at why the Content Manager doesn't work. When I tried to put sites in restricted zones, got a message that said the sites were already in other zones. But I couldn't find them. If I were to use a software program, any recommendations?

[DMR]

Hello dfederman,

Given the fsct that I've been through these issues with many of my "real life" clients, I have to agree with Christian and Catweazle.

Basically: there is no technology-oriented solution that will solve your problem. While the Internet is an absolutely essential tool for doing schoolwork, there is really no foolproof way to limit your child's use of any given computer to only that sort of work.

Here's what I would suggest:

Get him his own computer; base models that will serve his needs education-wise are fairly cheap. The computer doesn't need to be capable of doing anything more than the basics needed for his work. Complaints about things like the graphics card not being able to support the games he wants to play and the like should obviously be ignored.

This one I've unfortunately been through with one of my clients, even after she did get a dedicated computer for one of her kids:

The teenager ignored all of my recommendations, and also refused to use any of the protective programs I installed. Being "his" computer, he also had convinced his parents that his user account had to have administrative rights, which obviously meant that he could undo/uninstall/disable any of the utilities I installed.

I eventually told the parents that it wasn't in their best interest to keep paying me to come over and clean up this computer, and that I would no longer do so; they agreed.

The upshot of that was that the child in question did, of course, screw up his computer once again (to the point that it wouldn't even boot), and had to resort to going to the local library to use their computers for his homework.

He was barred by the library shotly after that for doing the same things to their computers that he had done to his home computer...

[dewman]

Just thought i would put my 2 cents in.

One way to stop a site from comming up is to add it to your HOSTS file... An example entry would be:

127.0.0.1 www.porn.com

make sure that you put the 127.0.0.1 before any site...

you can find the HOSTS file by just doing a search. Open it with notepad or wordpad.

after you save the file try to go to the site... poof it is gone

[DMR]

Just thought i would put my 2 cents in.

One way to stop a site from comming up is to add it to your HOSTS file...

Unfortunately though:

- You have to do that for each and every site that you want to block.

- You would (obviously) have to know the URL of every site that you want to deny access to.

- The kid could remove the host file entries in less time than it took to put them there.

[g0rb4ch3v]

CyberSitter

[DMR]

Unfortunately, one of the drawbacks of programs like Cybersitter, NetNanny, etc. is that they can actually block legitimate sites and/or content. Their filter lists are not perfect, and can sometimes be a bit too "conservative".

[dewman]

well... switch to a secure windows and deny access to the hosts file... come on people... there are always ways to do things... there are always ways to undo things also... but set it up correctly and it is not likely that the child is going to be able to undo it.

[meme_x]

Hello. I'd like some advice on simple Internet controls for a 16-year-old who habitually visits porn sites. I monitor him closely, but if I step out of the room even briefly, I find porn sites in the history. He gets grounded or whatever, banned from the computer, promises he won't do it again, needs the Internet for schoolwork, and the whole cycle starts again. I tried a ContentWatch trial, but it was unwieldy. I read the thread from Ambalee, about the futility of trying to control an adult partner's porn addiction. This is different, as a youngster is involved and I also have a 12-year-old who is overhearing all this. It's very disturbing and I could use some help.

Thank you.

Hi dfederman I know how you feel with your teenager .. been thier and it is not easy but don't give up. take a look at a site www.parental-web-control.com you will find some good tips which will help you.

[Catweazle]

well... switch to a secure windows and deny access to the hosts file... come on people... there are always ways to do things... there are always ways to undo things also... but set it up correctly and it is not likely that the child is going to be able to undo it.

We try, believe me we try. I suggest you read this topic again with a more open mind. what we are trying to show is that it is IMPOSSIBLE to get a machine to perform this task (blocking children from internet porn) for you. The problem is not one which is related to computing methods. It's one which is related to parenting methods and the effectiveness of communication between parents and their children.

You cannot get a computer to do the parenting for you!

[NDNomad]

Ya know what, so what if Netnany or the like is too restrictive!. The reason it's there to start with is you have a kid who can't help himself. The consequences are he has to deal with a filter. You want the filter off? Get it together. There...that's my 2 cents.

[Real-tiner]

One idea is to disconnect and remove the internet cable during the homework sessions, or put a call restrictor on the phone line which prevents using certain phone numbers (dialup) without dialing a password. I did this years ago when I had kids at home.

[dlh6213]

Most likely the teen is using the net for research (just researching some stuff he shouldn't be in the midst of what he should be).

I think giving him his own computer, if connected to the net, will just encourage the behavior, though it would keep the offensive material away from the rest of the family.

You may find some helpful articles here:
http://www.pcuser.com.au/pcuser/hs2.nsf/($SearchView)?Searchview&Query=child&SearchOrder=2&count=10&SearchMax=0&SearchFuzzy=0&SearchWV=0&Start=1

[Zachery]

I think your best options, are to either sit behind him while he is doing research on the net, and when they are not, unplugg the internet, if it is this much of a problem.

I am not a parrent nor will I be for several more years most likely, however stoping kids from getting porn is hard, 99% of the time they are going to be better at getting around the stop gaps that you place.

I could get around most things like Bess (common school proxy) and a few others by using a proxy of my own.

Short of monorting them every moment they are on the pc, or just restricting internet access period, I don't see a good way to keep most kids safe.

[rivimey]

The suggestions I'd make are:

- give your child only a "limited user" account and make the admin password a really good one: something like "5%ykWcbali^8" rather than "fido33". And don't type it in with him looking on!

- if you get a second PC you might wish to try using VNC or similar to actually monitor what's on his screen even when you're not looking!

- don't rely on controls within the same PC. It's much harder to break a control applied, say, in a firewall router. Set up a second machine or a dedicated firewall to the internet.

- in the nicest way possible, educate your child - let them see why you wish them to behave in the way you do, and how to stop the computer being trashed.

One "punishment" you might consider is to insist on supervised access to the net at all times - that is, you're sitting next to him at all times. If he is 'good', relax this slowly.

When wordprocessing of course you can block net access: pull the plug. You don't say if you have a plain modem or cable or adsl, but either way you just disconnect it. preferably in such a way that he can't reconnect by using his own wires!

Best of luck,

Ruth

[william_stam]

Unfortunately, one of the drawbacks of programs like Cybersitter, NetNanny, etc. is that they can actually block legitimate sites and/or content. Their filter lists are not perfect, and can sometimes be a bit too "conservative".

well that beets NO internet. at work we have a dude thats like the kid, only he is married and has children. we put on netnanny. if the site he wanted to visit was blocked he had to ask the boss to open it. guess what, internet usage plummeted work output (internet based) increased and his machine has been spyware and virus free since (exept for one that came on a disc, i checked it was from the disc)

we also thought of blocking ALL internet trafic till it is "opened" by an administrative user.
you can open sites like wikipedia etc so homework stuff is catered for.
the argument that he needs full access is like sooooo outdated

i agree about the "ban the computer" theory. only responsible people should use computers (said tongue in cheek) if the problem is that bad what would he do latter in life? start his own porn site? worse?

a tip maybe, get another machine for him with none administrative privilages.

depends how grossed out you are (i would be plenty) sit by and force him to go to porn sites, then get him to tell you why they interest him pressure him into digging deep answers like "everyone else does it" dont count. get him to realize for one thing there are only so many different photographic angles before it becomes repetative, so any more browsing would just be "stupid". most porn addictions in teenagers are due to peer preasure "the cool thing to do". what ever you do DONT loose your cool let him but dont let him leave the computer. (vomit and shock comes after)

even the most granite souled personality gets uncomfortable if their parents sit by + watch and "force" them to do something that is wrong.

its called shock therapy

overall i think it is the way people are raised that defines their addictions in life

good luck

[DMR]

well that beets NO internet.

The Internet is made of beets? Well I'll be... Beat. :mrgreen:

[Tyreses]

Well seems like you all have it handled, but i always like my 2 cents in there, IE is usless of course, theres ways to turn off the content manager ;) My parents used net nany, but we cracked that to, all ican say is either watch him the entire time he uses the pc, or lok for the best content filter program there is and hope he doesnt crack it.

[jwshepherd]

AS a Father of a pair just a little younger than yours. I have put up a content filtering firewall using an older computer.

http://www.censornet.com/

Is free to use and install. They do have a blacklist update which costs about $100 which will actually check each picture coming through and if there are too many skin colored pixels it will replace the downloaded picture with a red circle.

It will act as a firewall, let you review the logs of the day week month.

Use positive re-enforcment. If you see .... nevermind, your the parents.

If you need help setting it up I will be glad to help where I can.

I have set these up for many businesses as well as public libraries.

[ArtChess]

wow what a funny thread.....
I have a 14 yr old cousine who's hormones are off the wall.... See his philippino and philippino's hit puberty early...hehehe..

so to make the long story short. I gave him a goal of become a 3 time state champ in wrestling which would involve alot of physical activity.

so yes he has to have access to the PC. touse excel, word for h.w. etc..
but soon as he's done.. i take him out for 10 mile run.
and that's just warm up. then alternating sprints and jog 100 yards at a time for 5 miles.

then i make him run up and down the hill which is about 30 degrees incline, and 50 yards distance with a 100 pound heavy bag (the ones boxers use). on his shoulders.

then we go over wrestling moves and live wrestle..

Beleive me afer all that.. the last thing he wants to do is sit on a PC and surf the net...

[goaliemike]

Ok im 15 and one thing thats hard to work around, is you set a password protected administrator account, and install northon internet security 2005. Then set him up on a power user accoung (this will prevent him fron setting the parental controls in northon, and prevent him from installing software without your permission). Then all is done, but the only downside is that northon internet security 2005 is 25-60$

Also this is hard to crack, and it works in many other browsers (actualy all of them). The only advice is to also keep the xp cd hidden, because i re-installed xp wits the admin pass as one i know. Also i dont bother to look at some on the net, it usually puts some spyware and stuff in my computer (if i dont have ad-aware on)

[Save-The-World]

Yes, I totally agrees with Catwealze it can’t be achieved by technically, it’s a matter of how do u teach socially to your child. You can’t prevent him from watching porn sites (even if u do so) he can very easily get it on every corner of the road, on the name of the modernization, the way girls dressing , on the Television, in the school or college and literally every corner of the next step he takes. The better things are to launch an attack on the root cause of this problem, not the leaf or so, it should be cut from the root itself.
There should be a legal law against all the porn sites to stop no matter from which part of the world it is published

Like Mr. Bush has raged war against terrorist around the world and bringing them to justice , no matter which part of the world they are belonging to i.e. Iraq, Afghanistan, Iran, Indonesia, Syria, Libya and so on to name a few …

Why not the raged against the people who publishing these kind of sites whether on internet , TV, magazines , newspapers , fashions shows, movies etc etc…… (for Mr. Bush here is the original NUCLEAR BOMB, and all responsible persons or the countries should stop this bomb before it explodes (actually its already started ) try to stop this instead of looking nuclear bomb in Iraq, Iran , Korea or elsewhere )

For me and for all who are really serious of their Childs being caught (and everyone should be) the only SOLUTION is this:

the clothes of women
or this
http://www.islamfortoday.com/women.htm
or this
http://www.islamfortoday.com/women.htm
or this
http://www.jamiat.org.za/women/concept_of_hijab.htm

if you read this with open mind , I am sure u people definitely agree with me and for those who have the narrow mind they will continues these type of work on the name of women liberation, modernization and so on.

Best of luck

[Catweazle]

With all due respect, that's a pipe dream, not a solution. It's been appropriately and honestly noted by people responding here that there are limits to what technology can do.

Your suggestions are not strategies this person could adopt with her son, and are inappropriate responses because of that.