Posts by almostbob

Oh, I'm sure now, we SHOULD make these responses

Glad its figured out,
Glad it didnt actually work
Glad I don't give a shit
lots of luck with all future f̶a̶i̶l̶u̶r̶e̶s̶ endeavours

I don't believe you are helping either. But it's OK I already figured it out. It actually wasn't that hard to answer if effort was put in but that's ok. So I'm done and I am no longer watching this article

Glad its figured out,
Glad it didnt actually work
Glad I don't give a shit
lots of luck with all future f̶a̶i̶l̶u̶r̶e̶s̶ endeavours

An air traffic control tower suddenly lost communications with a small twin engine aircraft.
A moment later the tower land line rang and was answered by one of the employees.
The passenger riding with the pilot who lost communications was on a cellular phone and yelled “Mayday, Mayday!! The pilot had an instant and fatal heart attack.
I grabbed his cell phone out of his pocket and he had told me before we took off he had the tower on his speed dial memory.
I am flying upside down at 18,000 feet and traveling at 180 mph. Mayday, Mayday!!”
The employee in the tower had put him on speaker phone immediately. “Calm down, we acknowledge you and we will guide you down after a few questions. The first thing is not to panic, remain calm!!”.
He began his series of questions.
Tower: “How do you know you are traveling at 18,000 feet??”
Aircraft: “I can see that it reads 18,000 feet on the dials in front of me”.
Tower: “Okay, that is good, remain calm. How do you know you are traveling at 180 mph??”
Aircraft: “I can see that it reads 180 mph on the dials in front of me”.
Tower: “Okay, that is good. How do you know you're flying upside down??”
Aircraft: “Because the shit in my pants is sliding out of my collar.”

enter the utf8 code in the form € codes for Telugu as outlined in this link
actual characters wont work
the interpreter cant read them, its in English
vani shoud(?) suppport Telugu

Google make the rules: >75% of all searches make all other SE irrelevant
What Google says is SEO
Register your site with Google Webmaster tools and let the ones that make the rules provide an itemised list of what you need to make your site comply with the rules
Google do most of your SEO for you
Its a bloody good start

then read the sticky Read Me before you ask for review, code compliant sites rank better in SER
Its a good middle

The end, thats up to you, in the links and notes above

There are users on the forum, with no idea, but a signature that tells of their Guru-ness.
Two posted to this thread, the two that had nothing to offer, even to try to help.
Its good to state your a beginner, when you are, Kudos Gyles.

there are seo negatives
what is www.url/file
script, css, image, executable, compiled application, all are file with no prompting extension, what do SEBots do,
Occam's razor response: they leave
Why waste time on something the owner does not want to be found

(Occams Razor: The simplest solution is often the best)

note to OP: browse the web, any hidden file extensions?

(repeat) "We have never seen that point on the zero-bullshit scale before"

"You exemplify the; shallow end of the gene pool, zero end of the 0-10 scale, reason why some animals eat their young, me generation, failure of the school system, lack of intellect,"

thats where I mant to put the bs meter

I didnt realise there were so many untill I posted them,
Wierd these are all from posts voted up,
Everybody must be thinking it

Things to remember

a. There are no 130 year old homeopaths:
b. Every drop of water, every bit of air is associated in some way with Einstein, if there were any truth to associative medicine, we would all be geniuses, the questions asked disprove that beyond all contest.

TV health guru Gillian McKeith, 51 years old, right: advocates a vegetarian diet high in organic fruits and vegetables.

TV Cook Nigella Lawson, also 51 years old, below: advocates eating meat, butter and enjoying a good wine

90% of everything is crap

Placebo works on the symptoms, right up til the patient dies of the disease

that question is so ...
things we perhaps should not post in a reply

"You personify the zero end of every 0-10 scale"

"We have never seen that point on the zero-bullshit scale before"

"right down the bottom end of the forethought 0-10 scale

"the first thing your potential customers see is you asking questions that prove you don't know shit"

"that point on the zero-to-bullshit scale is not seen often, thanks for dragging it out for us to view"

"get off your lazy @ss and make an attempt"

"depart post haste and return thou not, til thou hast wit enough that were wit dynamite, thou couldst blow thine hat from atop thine head"

"Do your own bloody homework"

"How dumb do you have to be ?"

"Go away, read and learn something about that in which you pretend to be competent"

"Dont drag up old crap. If some other idiot drags up old crap, dont reply"

"Piss-poor teaching standards, even if you do finish the course there won't be much value in the [joke]qualification[/joke]"

"Incidentally posting a link to your site on this thread, that says "I don't know what I am doing" DOES NOT help your business"

"The site traffic has decreased, and will continue to decrease, you have proven incompetent in the field you pretend to occupy, SEbots are very AI, even a robot can determine useless."

"You advertise in your signature skills you don't have, pretend you have some, go away and read"

"of course it …

XHTML required all elements to close, singleton elements were required to self close,
<img alt='' src='' /> or
<link href="css/style.css" rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" media="all" /> or
<a href=''>link text</a>
XHTML is happily dead in favour of HTML5 the elements now look like
<link rel="stylesheet" href="theme.css"> type not required
<script src="scriptfile.js"></script> type not required
<img alt='' src=''>
<a href=''>link text</a>

It is properly documented in the HTML documentation
It is not mentioned:
That is entirely proper.
it is not; never was; never will be; part of the HTML specification.
It would be somewhat strange to reference everything(anything) that is not part of the specification

'Hey look, the service manual for my car, is in the HTML spec, as "not part of HTML" ' <<attempted humour<<

between 11 and 20 of a billion web sites, well done so far

Ditto Kelly above, and read through this sticky
Read Me before you ask for review, Code compliant sites rank higher in SER
for some hints hou may not have encountered yet

ex: prefix; was, has been
spurt: noun; drip under pressure

expert: has been drip, under pressure

sessions: established on the preferred access page, with appropriate robots.txt entries to please google image searchbot

HTTP_REFERER checks (oops already noted)

As both prior posters, the intent of the page determines the best use of resources
If there is one thing, keep the landing page very small and fast, users wait about 8 seconds before they leave
If the time taken to load the images impacts on the rest of the display, can it
If you use a slider that will display 1 image during load, then background load the other content after the page is displayed all good

fellow coders?
We may be coders, doubt very much if . . .

I'm trying, really mods, to be more polite,
its difficult to respond politely when the op is this:
demanding,
petulant,
and exemplary of the zero end of every 0-10 scale;

so I will write just google it

javascript does not work in some devices, If your code depends on js it may fail
thats the teacher's reason, pain in the butt is an added bonus (for him)
javascript screen object
roughly equates to <meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1.0"/>

Sorry I don't have a solution, but here are some hints
David Calhoun is 99.999% guru

I think its a good idea,
Start the list, submit it as a new thread, pm the moderators to consider it for stickiness, the mods react v.quickly to ideas

I (everyone?) like finding questions answered before they are asked

my stickies

If you are the 'best seo service in bangalore' the others must be really bad
Go read something about what you pretend to offer as service

This site is well indexed and high pr
Results from this site will appear before your organic links
the first thing your potential customers see is you asking questions that prove you don't know shit
right down the bottom end of the forethought 0-10 scale

until you know enough, might be a good idea to remove the link from your signature

So wrongway, you checked 700000 results and found none of them were configurable?
In 24 Hours?
let alone that traevel posted two links to scripts that do exactly what you asked for, in the first reply

I'm impressed, , ,
that point on the zero-to-bullshit scale is not seen often
thanks for dragging it out for us to view
now
get off your lazy @ss and make an attempt

you cant fix stupid

Well wadda ya know, a double post, Hi mum

FFS another dumbass
How do I add my site to google, with a farkin webmaster link in the signature

@Elora

This site is well indexed and ranks highly
"I don't know what I am doing in the service I am pretending to offer" will appear before all your own links

Sig spamming does not work, SEBots are very AI

Learn something about what hou pretend to sell before you start advertising it, this sig will only get entirely negative results

Then, why didn't you put in a little effort?
Nobody else should until after you do

I didnt bother helping you, you came across as a petulant R-sole

You can't fix stupid

@rubysethi

Do your own bloody homework
2 threads
2 ridiculous broad questions, that google has answers to

depart post haste and return thou not, til thou has wit enough that were wit dynamite, thou couldst blow thine hat from atop thine head

Tantrums don't help
you didn't try the suggestion, or provide the requested details,
failure of the most pathetic kind

edit::
down marked, more tantrums, there's 3700 other posts you can find and downmark if you want
You had two gurus attempt to assist you
You refused to help them help you
If it is, as in your mind, how come you have to ask for help?
You exemplify the; shallow end of the gene pool, zero end of the 0-10 scale, reason why some animals eat their young, me generation, failure of the school system, lack of intellect,

If those are too obscure, pathetic

I dunno how the op got 2 downvotes for the question, it has been asked before, but not by him.

@disahpavers
Given that you have found your site in google and queried the position,
why havent you placed your site in Google webmaster tools ?
you register, confirm ownership, then see everything google sees about your site.
You can then
fix any errors the bots find by instructions google give you,
optimise pages for search by instructions google give you,
include geo-targeting,
submit your sitemap,
receive notification if errors occur in future

Its google doing SEO for you.
Its Free
It changes the answers any time google change the algorithm, you're always up to date
Its a bloody good resource
forget bing yahoo ask: google >75% of searches, they make the rules, the others follow

other resources to optimise yoursite can be found in the
read me before you ask for review, code compliant sites rank higher in SER thread

@bensirpent7
look bloke, them little blue highlights under the names
You get them when Guru no longer says enough

the titles "Most Valuable Poster" "Problem Solver" say a lot

mouse over the images, Skill endorsements, reputations points, solved queries, out the wazoo
You have the dream team trying to help,
two of the top10 of 1.2million
the odds of drawing that is 1:16 billion
try the suggestions

Me: I don't help much :)

what is that signature link? Web design company in chenai ?

How dumb do you have to be ?

You ask questions that demonstrate your:
igonorance of everything web design,
inability to use a search engine,
ignorance of everything you need to know as a web designer,
while promoting youself in your signature as a web designer
Really, Hugely, dumb

These questions, in this very well indexed site, indicate to everybody who may be consider using you, inadequate.

Search engine responses for your company will include these questions before your own website, this is as previously mentioned, a high rank site.

You destroy the chance of success you may have, spamming these fora with your signature link.

Go away, read and learn something about that in which you pretend to be competent.
take online tutorials
practice
come back and ask relevant questions when you have something to ask,
specific questions are easier to answer, and the answers make more sense when the person asking has a grasp of the basics
add relevant answers when you can a few 'solved by muthukutty' tags on web design threads helps heaps.
then your signature link will do you some good

@imti321,
if the op still won't RTFM even after you gave it the software, abandon its dumb a#s
some people won't help themselves

php: a nonsense acronym, an abbreviation formed from the initial letters of other words, unpronouncable as it contains no vowel sounds

as is
RTFM

php: an initialism

OR

Wake up newbie posters, this is you advent_geek mindstreak WatsonKatherine
If the last posts are 8 months old the thread is dead
Dont drag up old crap
If some other idiot drags up old crap, dont reply

Explode() is a construct developed for the lemmings game, it makes the lemming explode to blow a hole through the wall or floor
similarly
float() is a construct developed for the lemmings game, it makes the lemming move slowly down,

as previous posters have indicated you must install, or fake, a mail server. Local host packages do not include a smtp server or a pop server
Have had good results with imti321's recommendation
It works
Its simple
Its free

when all else fails
RTFM for you wamp xamp lamp stack,
it will tell you what is and isnt installed

"Anedotally it has been said" the IT field is rife with sarcasm, gamesmanship, oneupmanship, juvenile humour, irreverance. I know how I, and many others, would answer that question, extremely tongue in cheek, is ridiculous.

JUDITH: I do feel, Reg, that any Anti-Imperialist group like ours must reflect such a divergence of interests within its power-base.
REG: Agreed. Francis?
FRANCIS: Yeah. I think Judith's point of view is very valid, Reg, provided the Movement never forgets that it is the inalienable right of every man--
STAN: Or woman.
FRANCIS: Or woman... to rid himself--
STAN: Or herself.
FRANCIS: Or herself.
REG: Agreed.
FRANCIS: Thank you, brother.
STAN: Or sister.
FRANCIS: Or sister. Where was I?
REG: I think you'd finished.
FRANCIS: Oh. Right.
REG: Furthermore, it is the birthright of every man--
STAN: Or woman.
REG: Why don't you shut up about women, Stan. You're putting us off.
STAN: Women have a perfect right to play a part in our movement, Reg.
FRANCIS: Why are you always on about women, Stan?
STAN: I want to be one.
REG: What?
STAN: I want to be a woman. From now on, I want you all to call me 'Loretta'.
REG: What?!
LORETTA: It's my right as a man.
JUDITH: Well, why do you want to be Loretta, Stan?
LORETTA: I want to have babies.
REG: You want to …

good fresh fish, 15 minutes fresh, and chips
white tip reef shark, Tassie gold potatoes

for the first time in ages, the shark didn't taste at all of tourist
Gettin so you can't eat croc except from the farm, it tastes like backpacker

The client
Unless you are hacking the site the code is all visible on ftp
If you are hacking the site please post your full name and address, and the site url here

For many people, asking here is the first step to getting basic knowlege.
when you google search, the answers on other sites are very often just links to DaniWeb, so I came to where the answers start
For me it was sql,
tutorials don't always make sense
I call them 'headslap moments' when the answer is aarrgghh simple after reading replies to my own questions

@diafol — How come you put in those closing PHP tags? Just curious. It's PHP only. ;D

prior versions of php have insisted on closures, EOF does not close the php script.
currently the manual says
If a file is pure PHP code, it is preferable to omit the PHP closing tag at the end of the file. This prevents accidental whitespace or new lines being added after the PHP closing tag, which may cause unwanted effects because PHP will start output buffering when there is no intention from the programmer to send any output at that point in the script.

not always good advice, , just because it is on the php site 'twas still written by people

if you have whitespace after the closing '?>' strange things happen
solution: don't screw up.

stranger things happen
If you include('file without ?>');

<doctype>
<html>
<head>
bla bla bla
</head><body>
bla bla bla
<?php include('file without ?>'); ?>
bla bla bla
</body></html>

expands to

<doctype>
<html>
<head>
bla bla bla
</head><body>
bla bla bla
<?php $file = "xpath.html";
$doc = new DOMDocument();
$doc->loadHTMLFile($file);
$xpath = new DOMXpath($doc);
$elements = $xpath->query("*/div[@class='prod_text']/a");
$p = "Couldn't find the category name";
if (!is_null($elements)) {
    $p =  $elements->item(0)->childNodes->item(0)->nodeValue;
}
echo $p;
bla bla bla
</body></html>

and fails dismally
solution: close script files & dont screw up

pure php, makes little or no difference;
close the script without extra whitespace

10 gallon, the height of fashion among the french of the time was a hat with ribbons, the body of which was tall enough to hold 10 ribbons (galon) was it and a bit, dix galon became ten gallon hat

Do hippos think rhinos are unicorns ?

YOU are going to love this part
2.Notice: Undefined index: invoice in C:\xampp\htdocs\final year project 2\sales.php on line 192
is not on line 192 of this file
its at the 192nd line of code at execution
counting through 192 lines of all included files, connect.php will push the line count back by however many lines of code are in it

 <td colspan="5"><strong style="font-size: 12px; color: #222222;">Total:</strong></td>

is poor on so many levels, tables: inline styles; all are replaced by better allternatives, very outdated, the course really pisses me off

debugging is so much harder than bugging

GOLDEN URINAL

A guy comes home completely drunk one night. He lurches through the door and is met by his scowling wife, who is most definitely not happy.

"Where the hell have you been all night?" she demands.

"At this new bar," he says. "The Golden Saloon. Everything there is golden. It's got huge golden doors, a golden floor and even the urinal is gold!"

The wife still doesn't believe his story, and the next day checks the phone book, finding a place across town called the Golden Saloon. She calls up the place to check her husband's story.

"Is this the Golden Saloon?" she asks when the bartender answers the phone.

"Yes it is," bartender answers.

"Do you have huge golden doors?"

"Sure do." "Do you have golden floors?"

"Most certainly do."

"What about golden urinals?"

There's a long pause, then the woman hears the bartender yelling, "Hey, Duke. I reckon we got a lead on the guy who peed in your saxophone last night."

Kiruna, where vampires take their Christmas holiday

there is always the infamous
I'm always right, every body who disagrees is always wrong
approach
it may not always work

Incidentally, be careful if you meet Miss Right, find out if her first name is Always

google is your friend

"How dare you have a blue guru button, just because everybody else thinks your right, I'll get you."

oops
Once more: "How dare you have a blue guru button, just because everybody else thinks you're right, I'll get you."

the horrible spelling downvote
and the guru downvote

Barista Bro.s Double Strength Iced Coffee
Milk caffeine caffeine caffeine caffeine caffeine sugar sugar caffeine sugar,
brilliant coffee
gonna be awake for DAYS

The above advice, except Kelly's is no use at all.

Break Google's rules, get killed
Google's rules, Google 101 how google crawls the web
instructions for your site, are directly personalised in your google webmaster tools account
GET a Google webmaster tools account, follow the instructions

read Read Me before you ask for review, code compliant sites rank higher in SER follow the instructions

tools, paid services, link exchanges, get results
REMOVED FROM GOOGLE is a result
not the result wanted,
just a result,
which is all the money-grubbing bottom-feeding scum-suckers promise from their service.

Ignore any other site, google make the rules, all others comply

Links in fora must be relevant.

Kelly's link for a web analyst, in a website design forum, is relevant, positive results.
Manish's link for online real estate, is not relevant.
SEBots are very AI, and downgrade irrelevant links rapidly, posting links just to gain links DOES NOT WORK

not all advice is equal in value
my sites are education housing mining related, not relevant, no links,

"just ʇuǝɹǝɟɟıp: retired at 38, doing something right"

read Read Me before you ask for review: code compliant sites rank higher in ser :: all the headslap moments are mentioned

headslap moment: when you read the answer and hit yourself
one grade more, Doh!, than a facepalm moment
and/or
the obvious you just forgot about